Tough times can bring out the best in people. We're seeing a lot of positive things happening as folks reach out to help and support each other through this unprecedented global pandemic. Sewers and crafters are making face masks, hobbyists with 3-D printers are turning out personal protective equipment and parts for ventilators. Folks are running errands for their neighbors, helping people set up online meetings, donating their time and expertise, even when they're out of work and not sure how they'll pay their bills.

But fear and stress can bring out some aspects of people that aren't as attractive. In particular, I'm seeing far too much blaming and shaming going on in our region. Facebook rants (often in all-caps) about people not following social distancing rules are a daily occurrence. People in New Hampshire complain about Massachusetts license plates at the stores. Winchendon residents complain about New York license plates in Winchendon parking lots. People get upset because a parent brings their kids to the store--or takes their family biking on the rail trail. The criticism and finger-pointing is endless.

And it all boils down to one thing: "If I get sick, it will be YOUR FAULT."

Anger, of course, is nothing but fear set on fire. We only get angry when we feel threatened in some way. But it's a human trait to see threats where there are none, or to see small things as far more threatening than they really are. And when we feel threatened, we lash out.

It's very comforting to feel we can blame someone, anyone, for our troubles. That means someone, if not us, had control over the situation. Nothing is more terrifying than the actual reality: that no one has control, certainly no one human. But in all the long chain of blame we could count back, like fallen dominoes, for COVID-19, where does it finally end? With God, for creating virii in the first place? Funny, I don't see anyone yelling at God on Facebook.

There's a line, and not a fine one, between supporting each other in doing the right thing...and adopting a tremendous sense of moral superiority and self-congratulation about doing better than everybody else. The first attitude is the one we need. Don't yell at people who are falling short of best practices; ask how you can help them. That parent with five kids in the store might have no one to watch them and can't leave them home alone. Those people standing too close together may have been shut inside for days and just forgot about keeping six feet away. Most of us have never had to deal with the kinds of restrictions we're now asked to follow. Not everyone can change their behavior overnight. Friendly, understanding reminders will be much more effective than heaping social media abuse and scorn on strangers.

So I'm suggesting that we not be so quick to make assumptions, to judge, and to criticize and attack others. We're living through history here, and we're all making it up as we go. No one knows what will happen, and none of us has a shred of control over any of it. We're not going to stop the spread of the virus. We're just aiming to slow it down so only as many people are sick at one time as our health system can manage. And if we don't succeed at that, it's because this sneaky virus spread faster than we could learn what we needed to know about it.

But before we blame others for their shortcomings, we need to take a good look at the mirror and ask ourselves what we could be doing better in this crisis. It's not our place to decide that for anyone else.

Inanna Arthen